” I haven’t had a crush in years, hey love, this is more than a crush.”
– L.L. Cool J, ‘ Hey Luv’

This song is one of my personal favorites not only because of the production or the video but the lyrics are sensual. LL Cool J wasn’t afraid to express his total admiration for this woman that he saw around town.
What happened to having a crush? A person that you admire and get to know more than what meets the eye. In this Tinder culture, people don’t get to appreciate or admire someone before having sex with them. In this fast pace “dating” game, people have ‘courting’ has become a lost art.

The millennial generation is all about instant gratification in all aspects of life- career, education and love. No one has time to think or aspire to partner with their dream girl or guy when you can just swipe right on Tinder. To have butterflies, wait a long time to talk on the phone, wonder or be curious about the details of a person. You can simply follow them on Snap chat and see how their day went. But, there are folks out in the world that still crave the slowing down of our microwave society.

Rapper Meek Mill talked openly about fellow raptress Nicki Minaj being is dream girl and ideal partner. There was a tweet sent more than 5 years ago stating that he wanted her as his partner in life. There was a waiting period, an admiration, a desire, respect and courtship between the two. Greatness takes time and that includes love. Anything in life worth having takes struggle, time, patience, sacrifice, hard work and dedication. The ‘hook up’ culture produces quantity and not quality. It’s a culture that doesn’t produce long lasting love or relationships. How can you truly know someone if all you have done with them is shared your body?

 

” I had a poster of her [ Angel Lola Luv] on my wall. I would tell all of my friends that she was going to be my girl.” – Rapper King Los

The art of slowing the dating process down. To know a person, to respect them, to maintain mystery and continue curiosity. To take your time so that you can really enjoy that person that you would like to know better — the importance of the 3 hour phone conversation, the constant text messages, flirting on face time, the coffee date or the romantic candle lit dinner at a fancy restaurant. When a person decides to slow things down within this microwave culture, the experience becomes more unique. Making a man earn your presence, your time, your conversation– the chase.

   ” She curved me a few times, I didn’t get her easily. She made me wait to have sex with her for a year so that we could have a stronger bond.” – Rapper King Los

I used these examples because King Los young, wealthy and handsome. He can have any woman or many women, he chose to try to win over his dream girl. He had a crush on her for years and had to work hard to be her partner.

   The lost art of courting. To date– flowers, candle lit dinners, champagne hot air balloon rides in Sonoma or pulling out all of the stops to impress a woman. I remember I was on a date with a former boyfriend and he had bought a dozen red roses for me. At least 5 strangers complimented me and commented on how he was such a sweet man. I began to think that not many men gift their special ladies with roses on dates. I believe that is such a sad thing because as women we deserve to be treated like queens. My grandparents have been married for 50 + years and my grandfather still buys roses for her every week. Red roses are a part of the courting process.

I believe that there is an art to finding and keeping love in one’s life. I think that as a young woman of color, I deserve so much more than a swipe on Tinder and or a demeaning tasteless message from a man via social media. I like to be courted and I need all the fireworks. As should you girls.

All photos courtesy  of Pinterest and New Life Cinema

** My favorite romantic films Poetic Justice, Love & Basketball and Love Jones